!
- [[1408]] was my first post. Hooray! Too bad it's like an acrostic poem of things that scare John Cusack
- [[Alone in the Dark]] is like having Uwe Boll sneak into your house at night and beat you
- [[Alone in the Dark, Take Two]], because one review can't contain its awfulness
- [[Audition (Odishon)]] is like some kind of outer-space hype machine (but also it's a movie)
- [[Captivity]]: a very succinct review.
- [[Final Destination 3]] is pretty much what you'd expect
- [[Grindhouse]] is two movies, and hey, I hated one of them! What are the odds?
- [[Hatchet]] just makes me really angry
- [[High Tension (Haute Tension)]] is probably less bad than you've been told it is
- [[Inside (A l'interieur)]] would make me proud to be French, if I were French
- [[Land of the Dead]] was universally hated except by me and possibly George Romero
- [[Layer Cake]] demonstrates that Colm Meaney can in fact play a badass
- [[Oldboy]] is immensely popular among some people and utterly unknown among everyone else
- [[Perfume]] is in fact a lot like perfume: gaudy and insubstantial
- [[Primer]] probably cost as much as your living room furniture, and film critics probably liked it more
- [[Resident Evil: Extinction]]: because I apparently can't stop reviewing shitty horror films
- [[Return to House on Haunted Hill]] is a masterpiece! Haha! But yeah it's pretty awful
- [[Serenity]] has so many goddamned fans I'm afraid to say anything at all about it
- [[Severance]]: horror films can apparently be witty too
- [[Shoot 'Em Up]]: a review chronicling another of my unpopular opinions
- [[Slither]]: homage to Cronenberg, or series of monster-related redneck jokes?
- [[The Last Winter]] tries atmospheric horror, and holy shit, it's not even Japanese!
- [[Twin Peaks]] should have ended sooner, but, well, it's David Lynch